1. The Tactless Auntie
The Tactless Auntie is the one person that everyone tries to avoid talking to, especially during Chinese New Year. She may seem innocuous at first, but she’ll catch you off-guard with a slew of uncomfortably personal questions (“Why your face so round now? Still no boyfriend? Is it because you’re fat?”) – all while casually peeling a pile of kuah chee and popping them into her mouth.
2. The ‘Whack Everything’ One
This is the person who has no qualms about stuffing himself with food and snacks, because hey, Chinese New Year is all about indulging right? Until he passes out on the couch in a food coma, that is.
Starting to regret scoffing down that last Pineapple Tart eh? (Source: laetuslifestyle.com)
3. The Smug Newly-Married Couple
It’s easy to spot this couple, because they’ll be the ones smugly doling out ang paos with serene smiles on their faces (it’s the “post-wedding glow”). Okay okay, we get that you’re finally free from the yearly onslaught of “Are you still single?” questions…but don’t get too smug yet, because the baby questions haven’t even started.
4. The One Who Is Always On His Phone
Because stalking people on Instagram is way more fun than making small talk with people you only see once a year.
5. The One With The New Boyfriend
Because nothing says #winning better than showing off your new boyfriend during Chinese New Year. Especially if he’s of the tall, handsome and gentlemanly variety. #auntiekiller
I haz a bullet because I am teh AUNTIE KILLAZ. (Source: imgflip)
6. The One Who Loves Gambling
Whether it’s mahjong, poker or Chor Dai Dee, the One Who Loves Gambling is always down for another round – even if it’s already 3am and everyone is about to pass out. He will also probably be the one who is extra religious about following gambling superstitions, such as wearing red underpants for good luck.
7. That Weird Uncle Who Makes Inappropriate Comments
This is the uncle who always seems to ruffle feathers with socially-inappropriate comments like, “Wah you wear until so sexy, not scared the construction worker catch you meh?” You will most likely find him sitting in a quiet corner, where his annoyed wife has relegated him to for the evening.
8. The Pretentious Prick
This is the guy who rolls up at your house in his fancy car, Rolex on one hand and trophy girlfriend on the other. When you give him an obligatory “How have you been?” greeting, he’ll ramble on about how fabulous his recent Europe trip was (“Amazing, simply amazing.”), while brandishing his flashy watch in your face. He may or may not also be the type of guy who wears sunglasses indoors. Aviators, to be exact.
9. The One Who Lost A Lot Of Weight And Looks Really Good Now
Because Chinese New Year is the one time of the year you need to have your shit together. Or look like you do, at least.
10. The Eager New Girlfriend
This is the girl who just started dating your cousin/brother/friend, and is eager to ingratiate herself with his family and friends. She’ll say the right things (“Wow aunty you look so young!”), bring the best gifts and be on her best behaviour all afternoon. Whether she really is that demure and benevolent though, only time will tell.