Online dating is like finding the right movie on Netflix: you never know if a better offer might be around the corner, you can do it while in your pyjamas and eating chips, and you’ll probably have to sift through a ton of junk to find a decent option.
After weeks of intensive swiping on Coffee Meets Bagel, Tinder and the like, we’ve put together a list of the top 10 types of guys you’ll find on these dating apps. Go on, swipe away.
1. The Extroverted Introvert
The Extroverted Introvert, also known as the INFJ (or some other Myers Brigg Profile acronym), seems to be the #trending way to describe the New Age sensitive guy. You know, the guy who’s sensitive but also fun because he is an extroverted introvert. Because being a regular ol’ introvert or extrovert is so mainstream ya’ll.
2. The One With Bad Grammar
As superficial as it may seem, first impressions really count…especially when it comes to dating apps. And bad grammar? Yeah, that’s definitely not making a good impression.
And I mean, do you really want to describe yourself as “m here to find my partner, weman have smart plan for her future”? Come on, man. At least use spell check.
I also have my doubts about your profile picture, young man.
3. The Unicorn
Dating apps aren’t all doom and gloom. Once in awhile, you’ll stumble across a good looking guy with a profile that is equal parts impressive and humorous. You finally see a glimmer of hope in the barren landscape of online dating – and that, my friends, is when you know you’ve encountered The Unicorn.
Trust me, you’ll start envisioning the wedding and all the beautiful kids you’ll have (with legit names, of course…no Bartholomew Lim for us plz). You’ll click the Like button, feeling a mixture of giddy happiness and hopeful optimism…until you realise that well, *crickets*. Hate to break it to you honey, but that Unicorn you just spotted? So did every other eligible female on the app, and the chances of getting a Like back from him are as good as spotting a unicorn in real life (read: never).
4. The One Who Has A LOT To Say
Most dating apps have a section where you can fill out personality questions, such as what you look for in a date and what you like to do. Obviously, most people keep it short and snappy.
However, you will come across the occasional individual who has somehow managed to include his entire personality profile into that small space. A+ for effort, that’s all I can say. (Also, is it creepy that I now know what your deepest fears are?)
5. The One Who Has Nothing To Say
On the other end of the spectrum is the guy who doesn’t quite seem to understand the concept of a dating profile. Most of his profile questions are either one word answers (“I like to…YOLO.”) or ambiguous “N/A” answers.
I mean, I’m not asking you to tell me your deepest darkest secrets, but a little personal information might help? You know, in case you’re a serial killer?
6. The One Who Is Painfully Honest
This is the guy who is so honest, that sometimes you just want to hit him on the head and shout, STAHP. Don’t get me wrong – being honest is a good thing, but this is a dating app, bro. You need to sell yourself.
I applaud your weight loss efforts, but a photo with your clothes on will suffice.
7. The One With Impossibly High Standards
At first glance, he seems pretty decent. He looks cute, is well-educated and has a respectable occupation. But before you excitedly click the Like button, you realise that his expectations are well, sky high. I mean, I would totally click the Like button and hope for a connection but oh wait…I’m not Alessandra Ambrosio, that’s what. I think I’ll save my ego a blow and pass, thanks.
8. The Not-So-Subtle Show Off
The Not-So-Subtle Show Off is truly in a class of his own. His profile is usually full of humble brag photos, like him “casually” chilling out in Business Class (yeah yeah, I’m sure your “sipping-champagne-and-staring-out-the-window-thoughtfully” pose was candid), frolicking shirtless at the beach (appreciate those abs tho) and resting his Rolex-clad wrist on the wheel of a fancy sports car. Pictures speak louder than words right?
Wahhh I like your watch, is it from Casio?? (Source: rolexforums.com)
9. The One With Photos That Just Don’t Cut It
This is the guy who insists on having random profile photos of inanimate objects and/or somewhat unrelated graphics. Yeah, I don’t know if you got the memo bro but it helps when you actually use, oh I don’t know, a photo of yourself maybe??
Online dating is a dog eat dog world, hunny. No pic? No dice.
10. The One Who Wears His Heart On His Sleeve
…by spelling out his feelings with rambutans, evidently. You gotta give the guy credit for being original though – no cheesy tea lights or roses for him, because rambutans do the job better. Take note guys, this is how you make your dating profile stand out. #romancetips101
I LOVE U indeed.